Wall 4
by Raven Blanchard
Summary: A few select people receive packages from an unknown source, and chaos ensues. Meanwhile, an Entity pulls out some popcorn and enjoys the show. (SI/OC insert done differently) (M for stuff. Mostly meta stuff, but other stuff too: language, themes, scenes, violence, etc.)
1. TYPICAL OP SHONEN MANGA PROTAGONIST

"A special delivery from your friendly neighborhood author-god: a box containing the fate of the world, manga-style, complete with your typical overpowered shonen-manga protagonist, the iconic rival-slash-villain-slash-bestie-slash-latent-yaoi-love-interest, the cliché grandpa-mentor trope(s), the guy(s) who get all the crap, and flashy moves with their weird names recited during fights (how do they ever get anything done yelling all the time?). Care to put your signature on the spot over here to receive the package?"

"…what?"

It is 1 AM, and Uzumaki Naruto's first lucid-ish thought for the day is something along the lines of _'_ _A prank? At 1 in the morning? Really?'_ He leans tiredly on the doorway of his apartment, blinks blearily at the girl in front of him, and thinks that it is way too early for this, dattebayo. It is too early for everything, actually, besides sleep. He has just finally gotten some shut-eye from the exhausting ordeal with Mizuki-teme and the Forbidden Jutsu scroll thing, and he is so not the mood for being pranked right now.

"Come again tomorrow," he grunts at the genin delivering his… whatever it was in that box. Something about old men being mentors?

He forgets the package – and the delivery girl – nearly as soon as his door slams shut.

"Boring~!" he hears a voice yell out from outside the door.

 _Whatever, dattebayo,_ Naruto thinks as he flops face-down on his couch. After all, even pranksters need sleep.

While he dreams, a large box shimmers into existence a few feet away.

A nondescript person walks away from an apartment building, looks at you, the reader, and disappears.


	2. RIVAL-VILLAIN-BESTIE-LATENT-GAY-LOVER

Uchiha Sasuke is quite sure that he didn't (ever) mail-order any manga, thanks very much. He doesn't even read the stuff! Maybe as an ignorant seven-year-old, before That Man ruined everything, he might have picked up the habit of reading them. But right now, as he is? He'd much rather burn his arm to crisp (trying to learn jutsu, not just for the heck of it), than read childish books. He's not a child anymore, and he's not saying that just to be petulant. His dream – his _goal,_ more like – is not one fit for children. Though children may often daydream about defeating and slaying enemy shinobi, Sasuke is quite certain none of them dream of the act in as much attention to detail – or with as much fantasies of inflicting excruciating torture – as he.

But that's neither here nor there.

The long and short of it is, he's pretty sure he didn't order the boxed manga compilation that is currently standing innocently by his doorstep. He hadn't opened it unaware of potential hazards like some idiot, of course, but after his cursory jutsu and seal scan of the package came up blank, his curiosity got the better of him. Upon opening it he was greeted by stacks upon stacks of manga volumes seemingly from the same series called…

 **NARUTO SHIPPUDEN**

What.

He pulls out one volume and glances at the cover. Pfft, naruto. If this is some kiddie manga about food ingredients, he'll- DOBE'S FACE IS PRINTED ON IT WHAT THE HELL!

The very sight of the dobe's ugly mug alone nearly makes him set the whole thing on fire jutsu. But he's better than that. He can't just randomly set his mail on fire _while in public_! He'd look like he got pranked! He lauds his own self-control when outwardly all he does is frown.

It was then an androgynous-looking nin walks by and waves at him, eyes the box of books and then the one book in his hand. "Woah, you bought them by bulk? You're hardcore! I had to read them online!"

Before Sasuke could contemplate what an adult nin was doing reading a manga about (and probably _by_ ) the stupid dobe, or even think about what "online" could possibly mean, the random nin turned a corner and disappeared from sight. Not before winking at you though, because you gotta agree, when it comes to Sasuke, mindfucked is just about as cute as buttfu—

Okay. Fine. The random nin disappears. There.


	3. THE CLICHÉ GRANDPA-MENTOR TROPE 1

"Hokage-sama!" a chuunin cries out in distress as he enters the Hokage's Office.

As he approaches the village leader, ANBU flitter into and out of sight at the corner of his vision; a subtle and creepy reminder/warning to not do anything funny in the Hokage's presence.

"Ah…" Sarutobi Hiruzen dithers. Damn it all to the Pure World and back, he can't remember half his nin anymore! He swears he's called two of his gate chuunin "Kotatsu" and "Isamu" and many other variations of those names, and he feels like none of those were their names at all, going by their knowing smirks, those brats…

"It's Eiji, Hokage-sama." Hiruzen hears the nin mutter.

"Yes, Eiji-kun," Sarutobi Hiruzen nods calmly, smoke billowing from his pipe. He still can't remember this nin, not that it would be the first time. "What seems to be the emergency?"

"It's…" Eiji grimaces, then begins to look constipated, as if trying not to… laugh? Freak out? Hiruzen can't rightly know. "At the secretary… We… A box appeared out of nowhere!"

Sarutobi simply raised a brow. "A box appeared out of nowhere?"

Eiji nodded. "Affirmative, Hokage-sama! It just popped into existence at Secretary-san's table. I've scanned it for jutsu and seals – and it seems to be an ordinary box, filled with books or scrolls by the weight of it – but I'm no expert in seal or jutsu theory, there could be something I missed."

Sarutobi rises from his seat with all the grace of a war veteran, and approaches the mysterious package, his guards silently tailing him.

Sure enough, on the secretary's table, lying innocently as if it has all the right to be there, is a medium-sized wooden crate with a large sticker slapped on it on all sides:

 **TOP SECRET**

 **HOKAGE'S EYES ONLY**

As the ANBU flutter about the package like over-caffeinated butterflies, Sarutobi eyes the flurry of activity with the practiced eye of a paranoid shinobi… who still can't remember meeting Eiji before!

He turns to the seemingly amused chuunin beside him, and smiles his smile #2: Kind and Parental. Maybe he heard the nin's name wrong? It could be Eishi, or Oishi or Seiji or something. He really needs to refresh his memory. Maybe a run down or two of the Konoha nin roster?

He sighs. "Thank you for bringing this forward… sorry, I must be getting on with my age, what did you say your name was?"

The chuunin turns away from the (hilarious) sight of panicking ANBU, and grins at him. "It's Eiji, Hokage-sama."

An ANBU pries the crate open and cautiously pulls out a… book?

"Ah, right, Eiji-kun," Sarutobi chuckles to himself, stroking his beard. He's getting entirely too old for this job. One of these days he'd wrangle Jiraiya into the Hat, whether the brat likes it or not. "We'll take it from here. You can go back to your post, Eiji-ku-"

"Hokage-sama." Cat approaches him and shows him a… manga? … A manga that has Naruto-kun's face on it! And the Kyuubi's seal on his stomach, displayed for all the world to—

He hastily grabs the book from Cat, shoves it back in the crate, and orders the crate be nailed shut. Orders to have the crate placed in a sealing scroll. Declares whatever they saw in it as S-rank classified.

Hiruzen turns to the lowest-rung nin in the room. "Eiji-kun, do you understa—"

The nin just waved airily. "Bye!"

*pop*

Eyeing the empty space beside him where "Eiji" was just second ago, Hiruzen immediately straightens and barks out an order to Owl, who has been similarly staring at the space "Eiji" has disappeared from. "Put the whole village on lockdown," Hiruzen declares in a commanding voice. "I want a background check on all our immigrants and tourists, and all our civilian and shinobi citizens who have had interactions with Naruto-kun. From up to twelve years ago. We have a massive security breach."

AG – for Author-God, not "Eiji" – was sitting by one of the spikes of Namikaze Minato's head on the Hokage Monument, completely unseen by the nins roofhopping about like grasshoppers. Two feet away, a kunoichi lands and jumps off again, completely dismissing AG's presence – or _absence_ , this whole existence thing when the "reality" is fictional is a bit of a shady subject – and moving on to the next destination without so much as a glance in AG's direction.

Panicking fictional characters are so cute, AG thinks. Wouldn't you agree?


End file.
